Patrick Avery: 2010

Has it really come to this? (SCRIPT)

TIGER:

Good morning. And thank you for joining me.

Many of you in the room are my friends. Many of you in this room know me. Many of you have cheered for me, or worked with me, or supported me, and now, every one of you has good reason to be critical of me.

I want to say to each of you, simply, and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I engaged in.

I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife, Elin, and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say……

LUKE:

I miss the old “SportsCenter” — like it was back in the days of Dan Patrick, Kenny Mayne and Keith Olberman. That was when I could turn on ESPN and see an hour of athletic achievements. “SportsCenter” has been part of my life for years and has gotten me through some difficult times, but now I turn on ESPN and it becomes difficult to convince myself the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” is not another example of decay in our nation’s culture.

TIGER:

As I proceed, I understand people have questions. I understand the press wants me to -- to ask me for the details of the times I was unfaithful. I understand people want to know whether Elin and I will remain together. Please know that as far as I'm concerned, every one of these questions and answers is a matter between Elin and me. These are issues between a husband and a wife.

REPORTER:

For a lot of people, the spark of those bad things is November 27. Early that day, what happened?

TIGER:

Well, it’s all in the police report, Beyond that everything’s between Elin and myself that’s private.

REPORTER:

Why did you lose control of the car?

TIGER:

As I said.. That’s between Elin and myself.

REPORTER:

If it’s a private matter, why issue a public apology?

ME:

I’ve got one for you, If it’s a private matter, why have you been demanding a public appearance. If you don’t expect something from him and he is really just doing this out of his own will I would understand the question. But is this guy really asking Tiger a question like this? Why issue a public apology? Mabye because if he didn’t he would have to put up with reporters waiting outside the confines of his own home for weeks, for some sort of response. Mabye because if he didn’t address the public, reporters would be constantly harassing anyone even closely related or involved with Tiger Wood’s life. Or mabye it’s simply because he felt cornered by the media and felt as though this was the only way to get a little privacy.

REPORTER:

You said you’ve made transgressions, how would you, in your own words describe the depth of your infidelity?

Why not seek treatment before all of this came out?

How do you reconcile your behavior with your view of marriage?

ME:

Why are you still asking these questions? It’s mind boggling how they ask these questions and try to generate all of these implications through them. He’s not god people, if anything this just goes to prove to all of us average joe’s out there that he is human like all of us. People across the world are constantly exposed to temptation, there are those who are going to give in to that selfish temptation, and there are going to be those who dont. But, when someone makes that decision does it immediately make them the anti-christ? I’m not trying to argue that what Tiger did is justifiable, I’m trying to say that it is non of our business! and when I turn on ESPN I want to see highlights, and great sports moments, not more reports of how tiger still has yet to address the infamous ESPN headquarters with an explanation as to why he has been cheating on his wife.

LUKE:

Those people who feel entitled to know how many mistresses Tiger Woods had may see things differently if the notches on their bedpost became public record. The media does not have a right to televise a married couple’s relationship problems. Where is the compassion for Elin Woods, the actual victim in this situation who deserves the basic respect any person would ask for in her situation?

Most of the coverage has portrayed Woods as immoral for cheating on his wife, but the real immorality exists in exploiting these people’s personal lives for profit. What will endure from this story is not the content itself, because when Woods returns to the links and starts winning tournaments again, the attention will shift from his “sex addiction” to debating when he will pass Jack Nicklaus for the most Majors in golf history.

TIGER:

Some people have made up things that never happened. They said I used performance-enhancing drugs. This is completely and utterly false.

Some have written things about my family. Despite the damage I have done, I still believe it is right to shield my family from the public spotlight. They did not do these things. I did. I have always tried to maintain a private space for my wife and children. They have been kept separate from my sponsors, my commercial endorsements, when my children were born, we only released photographs so they ... so that the paparazzi could not chase them.

LUKE:

Tiger Woods, whose many admitted infidelities are now common knowledge, and Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has been accused of rape by a female college student in Georgia, are the two people currently being capitalized on by our nation’s media. I use the word “capitalize” because of the media’s tendency to feast on society’s appetite for sensationalism.

BIG BEN:

I'm truly sorry for the disappointment and negative attention I brought to my family, my teammates, coaches, [Steelers owners] the Rooneys and the NFL. I understand that the opportunities I have been blessed with are a privilege, and much is expected of me as the quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I absolutely want to be the leader this team deserves, valued in the community and a role model to kids. I have much work to do to earn this trust.

LUKE:

Avid sports fans can still remember Tiger Woods before Thanksgiving: a worldwide sports darling and a figure ESPN benefited immensely from covering because of his ability to be a golf superstar. And if ESPN loves anything, it is its superstars. They build them up to be larger than life, like in a five-minute segment scientifically analyzing a LeBron James dunk. It takes time and repetition to build up an athlete like Woods, which is why I can’t understand why the same people are so happy to tear him down when he acts human. The blame, however, rests on a society that demands to acquire information it has no business knowing, while simultaneously neglecting the issues of actual importance. As long as that demand exists, the people with the ability to supply it will be happy to oblige. The same thing happened to Michael Phelps last year.

PHELPS:

I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment, I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.

LUKE:

Ask yourself what is more immoral: a 22-year-old smoking a bong at a college party or taking pictures of said incident and exploiting it for personal gain? It’s free enterprise in its rawest form.

TIGER:

I recognize I have brought this on myself. And I know above all I am the one who needs to change… However, my behavior doesn't make it right for the media to follow my 2½-year-old daughter to school and report the school's location. They staked out my wife and pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my wife and kids alone.

LUKE:

Imagine being constantly reminded and asked about the worst thing in your life. Reporters are attacking Woods and his family like vultures swarming a carcass after the lion has eaten enough. The lion in this case is Woods’ public relations team, which has kept the media relatively at bay throughout the process by filtering questions and putting time restraints on interviews. It seems to be the only way they can maintain any privacy whatsoever for Mr. and Mrs. Woods.

I digress, however, because it has reached the point of acceptance. No signs point to this national epidemic going away. A famous athlete cheating is nothing new (see Bryant, Kobe and Jordan, Michael) and I anticipate it happening again. Sex sells and people love hearing about it.

Maybe that’s because, in some sick way, it pathologically reminds us that these people, despite their athletic gifts and $80 million contracts, err like everyone else. If that means the producers at “SportsCenter” must devote 30 minutes of an hourlong highlight show to telling me the details of Ben Roethlisberger’s whereabouts in order to satisfy that craving, then I can make that sacrifice. Just don’t do it at the expense of the “Top 10 Plays.”

Patrick Avery

Monday, April 26, 2010

tiger script

Monday, March 29, 2010

weiner poop

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